Ah, Twitter – the crack cocaine of social networking platforms. Fall in too deep and prepare to be overwhelmed with cat pics and animated gifs – and that’s just if you’re following me, sorrynotsorry. Talking of which, allow me to deliver my ode to life on Twitter (through the magic of gifs, obvs):
When you first join Twitter, you’re overwhelmed by its entirely simple, yet rather confusing…point.
You spend the first couple of weeks barely tweeting, and what you tweet gets no response from anyone.
But then you finally get your first mention.
And it’s not long before you find you’ve reached 100 followers.
But then you notice there are over 450,000 people (and counting!!1!1) following a Big Ben account that just tweets the word ‘BONG’ in various quantities.
Not to mention that Muscle Mary who’s clearly only being followed because of his unfortunate allergy to clothes and chronic addiction to selfies.
So you soldier on and idly make a joke, which gets retweeted.
It’s only then you notice the typo.
You try to distract yourself from this faux-pas by looking at what everyone else is tweeting, but then someone starts retweeting compliments.
And two other people you follow are openly flirting like dogs in heat.
To top it all off, you inadvertently start a Twitterstorm.
It all begins to get a bit much.
To make matters worse, you realise someone you like and thought got on well with has unfollowed you.
But you don’t want to be that guy who sends the dreaded ‘why have you unfollowed me?’ tweet.
Still, at least that illiterate teenager who just followed you and OMG WAS TWEETED BY JUSTIN BIEBER 04/07/14 has immediately asked you to follow them back.
Just as you’re about to give up on the Twittersphere, a fave celeb of yours replies to one of your tweets and everything feels right with the world.
Even better, a great hunk o’ spunk with something to say has started following you too.
You’re officially winning at this Twitter lark.
The only thing left to do is become a jaded social media whore and wait for the next big thing to come along.